I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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