Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
