Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
