What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
