some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
