so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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