you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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