hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
