it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
