He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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