Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
