Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
