I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
