Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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