sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
