my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
