Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
