so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
