Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
