I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
