I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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