I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
