Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize