Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
