have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
