i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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