so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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