Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
