He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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