Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
