i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
