Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
