Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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