Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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