My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize