my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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