I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
