Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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