I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
