Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
there is puke in my bra ... again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
