wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
