New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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