the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
