I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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