she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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