do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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