I only kidnapped one of them. chill
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
