So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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