Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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