Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
