3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
