I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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