i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
