I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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