the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
