I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
