I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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