dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
