So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
