As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize