He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
