I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
