he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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