her vagina looked like bernie madoff
please come you make the beer taste better
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
