I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
